Families are one of the most powerful forces in our lives. For a married person, a spouse and kids can be like the glue that holds it all together. At the same time, however, a married person's extended family - such as parents, siblings, grandparents, cousins, and others - can also factor in heavily to their life.
When one or both spouses in a marriage have particularly strong ties with their extended families - especially with their own parents - those ties can exert a strong influence on the marriage itself.
And, when the couple is going through marital troubles of some sort, the family's influence could potentially create enough instability that the marriage itself is threatened. But, ultimately, it is up to the couple themselves as to how much they allow their families to influence their lives or the course of their marriage.
If you are wondering, "Can families break up a marriage?", here are 5 insights that can help you understand your situation better:
1. Families can have a powerful influence on each other:
There is no question that a person's own parents and siblings - among other extended family members - can exert a powerful influence on the way the person thinks and acts. This influence can easily extend well into the person's life once they are married.
2. Some people are more susceptible to their family's influence than others:
Each individual is different, as is each married couple. For some couples, one spouse may be more susceptible to the influence of their family than is the other spouse. When things are not going well in a marriage, the easily-influenced spouse may be particularly vulnerable to what outside family members say about the marriage or the other spouse.
3. In psychological terms, this is an issue of boundary problems:
Psychologists call this situation an issue of boundary problems. Ideally, a married person knows how to establish strong enough boundaries in their lives that he or she receives little substantial influence from their families when it comes to making decisions about the marriage.
Still, some people have boundary issues and have a harder time putting up a barrier against that influence.
4. You and your spouse need to make your boundaries with your families strong and clear:
The bottom line is that it is up to you and your spouse to allow or not allow your families to exert inappropriate influence over your lives.
5. To reduce your families' influence, work together to strengthen your relationship:
A smart way to start regaining control over your marriage is to agree to present a united front vis-a-vis your families. This means, for example, that each spouse needs to avoid having secret conversations with their families about the marriage. Both spouses need to work on focusing on the issues at hand for themselves, bringing in outside help when needed.
Can families break up a marriage? Not if the spouses decide to resist the influence of their families and instead focus on fixing the marriage.
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