You may be surprised at how much sense I'm about to make. I am a vibrant married woman approaching my 34th birthday. I'd like to tell you a little bit about me and who I am.
Like many women, I married young. I was only 23 years old when my husband and I said, "I do." No one could tell me anything. I was sure I had sewn my wild oats, positive that I was in love forever, completely confident that the choices I was making were the right ones to govern the rest of my life. I had been dating my husband for two years when we decided to get married. Notice I'm not saying, when he proposed. I was that in control, I was that sure, and I was that determined that really I am the one that set our course and carried it out. Don't get me wrong, he went along more than willingly; happily in love with me too, ready to make commitments and promises.
We decided to have children. After our second things really began to change. Finances became tight, priorities shifted. I changed. I didn't feel like the fun loving sexual being I once had been. Nothing horrible happened. No one was abused. No one was harmed. But in general, no one was happy. My husband and I both were robots moving through the course of the day without much thought to our own passions or needs.
I think this is the part that confuses many women. It wasn't about getting even, or falling in love with someone else. It wasn't about being so wronged or so depressed that I had to make a dramatic change. It wasn't anything like that. It was normal. It was average and common, and probably very much like the lives of many married women. I simply stopped thriving. I stopped being a complete woman. I stopped having sensual pleasure, and fantasies and feeling my heart race with excitement and anticipation.
I tried to talk to my husband about it, but he really wasn't helpful. He was as unsatisfied as I was. He would go off to work with as minimal involvement with me as he could possibly achieve. He was a good provider though, and a good father. Believe it or not our kids are quite happy. They get good grades, have nice friends, and lead healthy happy little lives.
I didn't want to wreck that for them. What kind of mother would I be if I wanted to destroy their home over simply feeling personally unsatisfied?
I found an answer. I found the solution to everything. It was as simple as just admitting to myself that I needed to do something, privately, just for me.
Many people feel like having an affair is something out of the question for them. I did too, until I arrived at this place in my life. Since I had no intentions of ending my marriage or harming my children, it goes without saying I don't want to end anyone else's marriage either. I wasn't looking for a boyfriend, or a new life, or someone to run away with. Shall I say it? I was just looking for sex. I was looking for safe, no strings attached, respectful sex. I was looking for something private and personal between two consenting adults. I wanted something discrete. I did not want to have to worry about having to break the news that I was married, or break anyone's heart. I just wanted some physical release, some sexual fun. And really, what's so wrong with that?
Sites designed specifically for married people put an end to all that frivolous drama. They gave me the solution I needed. I was able to rendezvous with wonderfully sexual men. Married mostly, but sometimes just men looking for married women specifically because they didn't want strings and relationships. Some of the married men were in similar situations as myself, caring about their families but no longer attracted to their wives.
Here's a fact: Some people are more sexual than others. Some people can have sex once a week and feel fulfilled. Some can go even longer than that. My sister tells me her and her husband haven't slept together in 2 years. 2 YEARS? I'd lose my mind. I'm a much more sexual person than my husband is. Maybe it didn't begin that way, maybe we've both changed. Maybe my appetite has increased while his has decreased, or maybe after marrying at such a ridiculously young age, we've both changed our tastes and just don't do it for each other anymore. Who knows. There are endless combinations and possibilities. But my point is, some of us need a more gratifying sex life than others.
I have come to realize monogamy isn't natural. Even in the animal kingdom, the animals that mate for life aren't monogamous. They may mate with one other animal, have offspring together, stay together for the rest of their lives, but that doesn't mean that they only copulate with each other. Mating, staying together for the sake of a pack or safety and comfort, is a far different thing than having sex with only partner for the rest of your life. I do think it's natural to want a home, to want a pack and to want to raise it safely and in a contained way. I do not however think it is natural to never go outside of the union for sexual trysts. I happen to think it's the most natural thing in the world.
No one makes any demands on my time. If I feel like it, I look at the profiles, or I look at the messages I've been sent. It's discrete and safe. Even just reading the profiles makes me feel sensual and aroused. I enjoy private afternoons, innocent morning encounters, even some late night seductions when I'm supposed to be out with the girls or doing some Christmas shopping on my own at the mall.
There's something wonderfully delicious about a secret. It makes you feel special, and privy. It makes you feel like you have control over something innate and powerful.
Once I began acknowledging my normal natural needs, and doing something to satisfy them, I began to change. I can see it clearly. I'm happier. I feel vital and wanted, and desired, and beautiful. My being happier and feeling so much better about myself, means I'm a better homemaker. Everything in my life has been positively affected by my change in demeanor.
Even my husband has commented that I seem so vibrant now, and that the house and the kids have never been better. He says, whatever I'm doing, keep it up. Oh, I plan to.;)
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