Marriage and Parenting

You’re about to become parents for the first time, and you are still newlyweds. "Marriage changes in ways that are unexpected for people," says Kristin Maschka, author of This is Not How I Thought It Would Be: Remodeling Motherhood to Get the Lives We Want Today (Berkley Trade, October 2009). "We went from basking in the glow to shouting at each other in the kitchen." The hard times after a baby is born are a dirty secret. But preparing for the challenges can help you welcome your baby without ruining your marriage. Here, Maschka’s tips for keeping your marriage intact when you become parents for the first time –A baby will interrupt both of your careers. But moms will feel the most pressure to put the brakes on their careers, while dads will feel the need to work long hours to bring home more money. "You’re not as enlightened as you think you are," says Maschka. She and her husband thought they were a modern couple until the baby arrived, and they found themselves slipping into society’s expectations of the mom and dad.

Eventually, they decided to follow a path that worked for them, and they both became self-employed, so they could have more flexible schedules and could parent together. And Maschka returned to a full-time job at a nonprofit when her husband’s real estate business slowed down and her daughter was a bit older.

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