Do you need to know how to plan a marriage separation so that your family goes through the least amount of stress possible? Then here are 5 key elements you must discuss and negotiate before you and your spouse decide to separate.
Element #1: Have a clear understanding about why this separation is necessary, and what each partner needs to work on during your separation.
What is the purpose of your separation?
- Is it to give yourselves some time to think?
- Is it so one partner can focus on working on a major issue in his or her life?
Both you and your spouse need to communicate and come to an understanding about this.
Without understanding the reason for your separation, it creates unnecessary tension, anxiety and uncertainty in your relationship.
The best way to handle your separation is to set some goals and outcomes. This way, both parties can gauge whether the time apart has served its purpose or not.
Knowing the reasons for your marriage separation will also mean you can better explain to your children, and help them understand why this change is necessary.
Element #2: Decide on a time frame for your separation.
A lot of pain can be avoided if a time line for marriage separation is set from the start. This benefits both partners because
(1) the partner initiating the separation has a roadmap and guide about how much time he or she has to work out their problems;
(2) the partner dealing with the separation is not made to wait forever, and doesn't need to pressure the other person for an answer 'too soon'.
In any case, you will need to set a date to come together to discuss the outcome of your separation, so you can both move forward with your lives - together or apart.
Element #3: Be clear about how your finances will be handled.
Discuss who will pay which bills during this period of separation. For example:
- the housing loan or rent
- the utilities bill
- the children's school fees
- etc
Element #4: Work out a schedule to spend time with your children.
Children are the most affected when there is a drastic change in the family arrangements and dynamics. Help them to cope by letting them know when and how often they will get to see either of their parents.
Element #5: Set guidelines for interactions with the opposite gender.
There needs to be a spoken and/or written agreement between both parties about this. It should be accompanied with the understanding of the consequences, should either party break the agreement.
Do your best to consider the 5 elements above when planning your marriage separation, so that everyone involved knows what to expect. I wish you the very best in your marriage and hope things work out well for all of you.
