Don't Think, Don't Be Important

Women learn that their thoughts are invalid and expect men to discount their feelings. A man is allowed to be angry. Anger is an expression of his manliness. If a woman is equally angry, she is "castrating." This epithet or its counterparts, "tit-biter" or "nippier," are never applied to angry men. Somehow, anger and aggression in a man are signs of potency; in a woman they are signs of destructiveness or perversion. If a woman is upset, "what she needs is a good lay (which only I-a man- can provide)." A man may say, "Why cry? There's no reason to cry," to a woman who typically is putting a lot more emotional energy into their relationship than he is. That is what, in our culture, she is supposed to live for.

In an oppressive and mystifying way, men and women avoid confronting each other and talking straight:

F: Are you mad at me?

M: Why should I be mad at you? What do you mean, mad?

F asked a valid question. M skirted it. Not only didn't he answer her, but he acted as though she were asking a foolish question. (This technique also keeps the woman around and hanging on. The man is holding back from answering the question, but some day he may answer, if she asks in the right way.) The epitome of this technique is the game "I'll Do It When I'm Damn Good and Ready."

Husband offers to fix the plumbing, which delights wife. Husband shuts off the water in the house, disconnects the toilets, then notices that he is tired and decides to take a nap. He awakens in time for dinner and an evening of television. (Wife has run next door to get water to prepare dinner and has sent junior to the corner gas station to go to the bathroom.) One month later, wife is worn to a frazzle and still bugging husband to fix the plumbing. He retorts, "I'll Do It When I'm Damn Good and Ready." Wife ends up a not-O.K. nag, and she keeps stroking him daily for his long-term holdout. IDIWIDGAR players, like the legendary Scheherazade, want to keep the other guy interested and hooked. They do it by holding back and by both frustrating and promising. Men are half expected to forget birthdays and Mother's Day. Such responsibility usually falls to the woman-because she remembers. Women become family strokers, the nurturers of sentimentality and caring.

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What Does It Take To Save A Failing Marriage - Do You Think You Have It In You To Do It?

Although no marriage is exactly the same, many aspects of what it takes to save a marriage are. Everyone of us has issues, I don't care who you are. We all have things that we do that most likely bother one another, but these little things aren't the problem. It's usually not the things that you're doing that have created the marriage crisis but rather the lack of doing things that may have spawned your marriage crisis. Don't get me wrong, there are many things you should not do right now if your spouse is considering divorce or very serious about it. But, do you have what it takes to save your failing marriage? Let's see.

One of the first things I'd like to explore with you is, do you have it in you to bite your tongue? The ability to refrain from letting loose, lashing out and letting your spouse have it? Because, if you don't think that you can, then I'm not sure you have what it takes. It takes some eating crow so to speak to be able to work your way through saving your marriage. As troubling as it may seem, you have to learn to do this. I know you have a lot on your plate, a lot to say and a lot of things you need to get off your chest about what went wrong and how you see it. But, right now if you want to save your marriage, we need to work on controlling your emotions.

As a matter of fact, your spouse expects you to react a certain way right now. Your spouse knows you like the back of their hand, and knows how to push your buttons. So, let's not give them any more fuel to add to the fire. Expect your spouse to push your buttons, it's going to happen. In fact, it may have happened today or yesterday. How did you react? Did you let the anger or hurt from these statements or actions get the best of you? Did it cause you to say just as hurtful things back to your spouse? Did it cause you to do something that you probably shouldn't have, and now there's no way of taking it back? These are all examples of what our uncontrolled emotions will do.

So, do you have it in you, as a first step to learn how to control what you do, how you react, what comes out of your mouth and how you handle heated arguments and debates about your marriage crisis with your spouse? I know it's a lot to do, but you want to save your marriage right? And are willing to do what it takes to save it.

Trust me, it will bother you at first to do so, hold back from saying what's on your mind that very second when your spouse has hit below the belt, but let them. You haven't said a word, and now they have to deal with what they've said or done and have no way of justifying it now, since you didn't say or do anything of that magnitude back to them. They have to live with that, not you.

This will cause your spouse to take a second look at themselves, realize how much of a pain they have been, and may even get you an apology. At this point, they may begin to second guess their decision to separate by taking a closer look at themselves, asking his or herself why they're doing this. And, may even open up new talks about fixing the marriage together as a team.

But, there is still more work to be done. If you want to save your failing marriage, then you should learn more about how to control these emotions, what to say or do when certain situations arise that have you stumped and more importantly what steps you should take to fix the main problems in your marriage.

The steps I discovered to save a failing marriage have been so successful that it was featured on Dateline NBC and has nearly a 90% success rate! It works even when only one partner wants to save the marriage!

To learn how to save your marriage alone, then check out this plan of actions that is 100% guaranteed. Over 60,000 couples were able to save their marriages by doing the very same series of steps that you will be doing. If they saved their marriages then you can too! Click Here to see how it's done...

All my best to you and your spouse!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=R_P_Smith

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What it take to save A Failing marriage - you think is it in you to do it?

Although no marriage is exactly the same, several aspects of what it takes to save a marriage are. Each of us has any questions, I don't care who you are. We all have things that we are probably disturb each other, but these things are not the problem. It is generally not the things that you and created marriage crisis, but rather the absence of doing things that perhaps created the crisis of your wedding. No mistake, there are many things that you shouldn't do it now if your spouse is taking into account of divorce or very serious about it. But, you have what it takes to save your marriage failed? Let's see.

One of the first things I would like to explore with you is, do you have it bite you your language? The ability to refrain from let loose, denouncing the and leave your spouse to make? Because if you think you can, then I'm not sure that you have what it takes. Need to say some Crow food to be able to work your way through the registration of your wedding. Disturbing as it may seem, you learn how to do so.I know that you have much on your plate, lots of things to say and a lot of things, you need to get off your chest on what happened and how you voir.Mais, now if you want to save your marriage, we need to work on the control of your emotions.

In fact, your spouse is expected react you as soon as now a certain way. Your spouse know you like the back of the hand and he knows how to make your buttons. Thus, not suppose give them any more fuel to add to the fire. Wait for your spouse to push your buttons, it will happen. In fact, it can occur today or yesterday. How did you react? Let anger nor hurt these statements or actions of get the best out of you?It cause say you just as hurtful things to your spouse? it was you do something that you are probably not and that now there is no way for it brings cause? These are all examples of what will be our uncontrolled emotions.

Thus, you have it in you, as a first step to learn how to control what you have, how you react, coming from your mouth and how you manage heated arguments and debates about the crisis of your wedding with your spouse? I know there is much to do, but you want to save your marriage right?And they are willing to do what it takes to save it.

Believe me, it's going to you bother first to do so, to say what is on your mind that very second, when your spouse hit below the belt, but leave. You did not say a Word, and now they must do to what they have said or done and have no way to justify now since you did not say or do something of this magnitude to eux.Ils must live with it, not you.

This will cause your spouse to take a second look at themselves, realize how much of a pain, they were and can even apologize.At this stage, they can start guessing second their decision to separate into taking a close look at themselves, asking his or herself why they do cela.Et, perhaps even opened again spoke of marriage together in a team setting.

But it is still more to do.If you want to save your marriage failed, then you must learn more about how to control these emotions, what to say or do when occur in certain situations that you blocked and especially what steps you should take to resolve the major problems of your wedding.

The steps to save a marriage failing, I discovered have been so successful that appeared on Dateline NBC and has almost a 90% success rate!It works even when only one partner wants to save marriage!

To find out how to save your marriage only and discover this action plan is 100% garanti.Plus 60,000 pairs were able to register their marriages by the same set of steps that you the ferez.Si they record their marriages and then you can too! click here to see how it's done...

My best for you and your spouse!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=R_P_Smith

View the original article here